Yes, I may have forgotten to mention that you have a brain. Boy that sucks. The brain-riddled orphans will miss your company and the way you made them take priest's cocks in their ass and talked of memories past. But the world doesn't care about that. It chuckles at your misfortune. "Hehehe", the world says.
What a massive twat. That world has some nerve making light of such a serious situation. After all, it's not every day that a person gets the fucky-fucky-one-bucky in their head, shoulders, knees, and toes. You my friend, are a marvel of modern science. How is it that in a time when thousands of the smartest ass-slurpers who have ever lived are working night and day to cure cancer, you still end up with this penis envy? The answer is quite simple; the world has it out for you.
You might as well give up now. You're fucked. Fucked in the ass. Tiny-penis-fucked.
How the World Fucks You
The world wakes up every morning thinking about fucking you. The very oceans themselves are products of The Earth's wet dreams about screwing your life over. Trees? Why, that's just what we refer to as "morning wood". You're just another object in the world's sick perverted fantasies.
The world is trying to fuck you right now. Just the other day it asked me for your phone number, but I knew better. I know first-hand what it's like to get a text message at 4 A.M. spelling out (in comically abbreviated words) all the many nasty things it would do to me. It's no laughing matter. I ended up having to get a restraining order stating that the world cannot come within 500 feet of me.
Yes, the world wants to fuck you. There's no debating that. But how is the world trying to do this? Let's explore.
The world loves to make you confused and scared. It creates paradoxical situations with which to frighten you and send you into a state of panic and utter tomfoolery. For instance:
Every person in the world has a fate. Unfortunately, people also have a destiny which can sometimes conflict with their fate, especially if they're the kinds of people who put their fate in their own hands and face their destiny. Unfortunately it gets infinitely more complicated than that. When the Mormon God created everyone, he gave them the free will to do as they please. However, Mormogod, being mormon, and therefore a pedophile, wants this to happen. He also knows everything and would therefore know what a person would do even when acting randomly, thereby destroying their free will and sealing their destiny.
One way the earth fucks youSo where does the world come in on this? Well the world knows that humans are remarkably confused about their ability to change their fate and most of the time to even complete the simplest of bodily functions without facing grave physical danger. It knows this and it therefore created fortune cookies by producing the wood for the paper, and the bread stuff for the shell thingy. It then gave birth to the Chinese people who think up vague fortunes to befuddle mankind and leave them vulnerable to sexual advances.
Now, we all know fortune cookies are right 100% of the time, but logically, how can this work? Well we would have to either assume that the fortunes themselves change a person's destiny simply by being read or only predict things that will already occur. If the paper changes destiny (but not fate) and coincides with God's divine plan (but is changeable by prayer to Jesus) and allows for the possibility of free will (but not necessarily for omniscience) then if a robot reads this sentence, its head will explode.
Think about it, nothing really makes sense. You must remove yourself from the human context or better yet the planet earth as a whole. Nothing makes sense if you think about the world without people. We floating on a big ass rock? There's a ball of fire in the sky? Where is the tv screen in my head?
Go ahead. Have some delicious cheese.The world prides itself on its cunning deceit and unparalleled douchiness. Think about how people get diseases. The world presents you with a beautiful little fluffy bunny rabbit and you, in your endless naivety go to pet it, only to have it bite you in the eye and give you rabies. It sooths you into a false sense of security with nice things like fuzzy animals, gorgeous plants, tiny insects, food, water, and the sun, and you end up with diseases, poison, insect poison, food poison, poisoned water, and skin cancer respectively.
Let's face it. The world kills you for the most fucked up reasons imaginable. Do you want warm shelter? BAM! Asbestos. Do you enjoy breathing? BAM! Have some anthrax. Sex anyone? SCHLAM! More types of STDs than you can shake your stick at. In fact, after falling off of my neighbor's roof last night, I found out that even the seemingly simple act of levitating is apparently quite difficult because of the world's malicious policy of gravity.
There is only one way to prepare yourself against an onslaught of a million different possible deaths for any reason or none, and that's to stop getting fucked and fuck the world.
I regret to inform you, but pretty much everyone you know has been lying to you, this is not a conspiracy theory, they're all lying to you too. Think about it: your teachers, your religious leaders, your parents, your friends have all been lying to you, but don't be mad about it... most believe their own bullshit
Fuck the World
Now that you are sufficiently angry, and/or horny, it is time to fuck the world. "But how?", a person who's actually willing to talk to me might ask. "Simple.", I'd reply if that ever happens.
There are many ways to fuck the world setting aside the obvious "Dig a Hole in the Ground and Make Some Dirt Babies" method, which can lead to some very awkward explanations to 80-year-old neighbors named Dorris. Now, if fucking an entire planet is too daunting a task, and my expertly written step-by-step explanation which Rolling Stone Magazine hails as "Simply... amazing. The most important... non-fiction... in the last century", is too complicated for your cancer-addled brain; simply do the exact opposite of everything Al Gore does. Otherwise, read ahead.